Stop and Go
by emjohnson
Summary: Elizabeth and Jack see each other after years apart. A bit different style. Angst, passion and confusion. May be continued...
1. Chapter 1

He saw her before she stepped off the curb.

She was still beautiful as ever.

It had been too many years and yet not long enough to forget her.

She saw him but turned away.

He was still handsome as ever.

It had been too many years but not yet long enough to forget him.

They locked eyes.

And now there was no place for either of them to go so they just stood there, as the crowd of people passed around them.

In all places, they had to reconnect at an intersection of a busy roadway.

Someone pushed Elizabeth causing to catch herself.

Someone pushed Jack causing him to look away from her.

When he looked back up, she was gone.

When she looked to where he was, he disappeared.

And just like that, they were out of each other's lives.

When she entered the boutique she had to catch her breath.

The sales lady asked if she was ok.

She wasn't but she would be in time.

Or maybe she never really had been.

When she looked out the window, the corner was quiet.

Maybe she imagined him there.

No, her pulse racing and her shortness of breath told her that he was very real.

When he entered the restaurant he had to catch his breath.

The hostess asked if he was ok.

He wasn't but after a moment, he would regain himself again.

Looking back to the curb, it was vacant.

Maybe he imagined her there.

No, her bright blue eyes and loose curls that fell from under her hat told him she was very real.

The boutique was quiet as she browsed for what she couldn't remember needing to find.

A hat? A scarf? What was it?

The sales lady asked if she needed help.

More than she knew.

The restaurant was bustling as Jack took a seat across from his future wife.

She was drinking water and looking down at her menu.

This wasn't going to be awkward at all.

When she left the boutique with a hat, scarf and a pair of shoes, she was still unsettled.

She looked back to the intersection to see it empty.

Her pulse slowed a little bit as she walked down the line of shops, wanting to grab something quick to eat as her stomach rumbled.

The salad was stale but he still ate it.

She was talking about her assistant but he wasn't paying attention.

And then she was bringing out some day planner and it got even less interesting.

He looked back out the window at the intersection.

What was he hoping to find?

When she entered the restaurant it was cool and comfortable.

The hostess led her to a small table, for one.

It didn't bother her as she set her bags down and ordered a glass of water.

It was big but not big enough.

He saw her curls first.

His breath hitched for a moment.

She saw his scar on the back of his neck first.

Her breath hitched and never became regular again.

She watched him.

His back was against the chair.

But she knew he saw her by the way he went stiff, deliberate with his movements.

He felt her behind him.

She was starting into his back.

It felt warm and cold at the same time.

His movements were timed, one, two, three.

The woman got up and went to the bathroom.

It was quiet all around her.

She looked down at her menu, not hungry.

The chair across from him was empty.

Now he could look back.

But what would he do?

She wanted to know who the woman was.

But it had been years.

He was allowed another life.

She was alone.

And it shouldn't matter.

But somehow he found himself wondering if there was someone.

But it had been years.

She was allowed another life.

" _Jack, don't leave me."_

" _I'm not enough."_

" _You are everything to me."_

" _Be happy Elizabeth."_

His eyes found hers first.

Nothing had changed.

And yet everything was different.

God, he was still everything.

God, she was still everything.

" _Jack Thornton. Pleasure to meet you Miss Thatcher."_

" _Likewise Mr. Thornton. Elizabeth, please."_

" _Call me Jack."_

" _Jack it is."_

" _Elizabeth it is."_

How long at it been?

He couldn't tear himself from her.

She didn't want to leave him.

It felt so good.

And yet, so empty.

The woman returned to her seat.

And like that he had turned from her.

Again.

He couldn't look back again.

His heart ached.

Her sandwich sat untouched as she tried to look away.

He paid the check and placed the tip on the table.

She stood first, wrapped her light coat around her.

When she looked up, they were leaving.

She was going to be gone again.

Could he bear it again?

He was going to be gone again.

Could she bear it again?

One more glimpse.

When he did, her head was turned and he saw the barrette.

The silvery, butterfly sparkled as the sun hit it.

" _Oh Jack, it's gorgeous."_

" _It's not much…"_

" _No! It's beautiful."_

" _Let me…"_

" _How do I look?"_

" _Like my forever."_

He had to get out of here.

She had to get out of here.

And then he was gone.

And she couldn't hold herself together.

Her eyes watered as she reached for a tissue.

And then she was gone.

As he parted from her, he broke down against the side of the building.

His body hurt and his eyes strained in the light.

" _I'm a good man."_

" _It's not about being a good man, but the right man."_

" _Sir, I would do anything for Elizabeth."_

" _Of course you will which is why you will take the money and say goodbye."_

The light hurt Elizabeth's eyes when she exited.

The air was warm but the breeze caused her goose bumps.

When she walked down the street, she almost knocked him over.

He recovered, took a breath and adjusted his eyes.

His suit jacket felt warm but he felt the breeze through his hair.

When he made his way down the street, he almost knocked her over.

She felt his hand on her waist.

He felt her breath on his cheek.

It was both awkward and wonderful.

He missed her like crazy.

She missed him terribly.

When he adjusted his suit jacket, he noticed her smile.

When she fixed her skirt, he noticed her smile.

Like old times.

There was nothing they wouldn't do to go back.

" _Oh Elizabeth, fancy seeing you here at the carnival."_

" _Ah, Mr. Thornton, trying your luck at ring toss?"_

" _Maybe. Want to make a small wager?"_

" _With me?"_

" _Sure. You win and I get in that dunk booth."_

" _And if you win?"_

" _I take you out. Fancy dinner and all."_

" _You're on. Let's play."_

There was a silence.

But it was comfortable.

It had been forever.

And as she gathered up her things, he helped her, touching her hand.

It was like fire.

When he touched her hand, it was like a fuse had been lit.

It shocked and burned him.

Her eyes were so blue.

His eyes were so green.

He had gotten inside her skin in seconds.

" _Tell me you love me."_

" _I love you Elizabeth."_

" _Make me yours."_

" _I am always yours."_

" _Show me Jack."_

" _No regrets."_

" _No regrets."_

If they could talk, what would they say?

He grabbed her gently, pulling her close.

She felt his hand on her hip, the other on her back.

He smelled of cinnamon and vanilla.

She smelled of flowers and rain.

Her arms were wrapped around him, keeping him shielded from the passerby's.

What was she doing, this was so wrong.

But no it wasn't.

What was he doing, it wasn't right.

But yes it was.

When she left his grasp, it was empty.

When he let her go, there was a void.

She missed him, wanted him every second of the day.

He yearned for her and yet he couldn't because she wasn't his.

" _Congratulations Mr. Jack Thornton."_

" _On being a Mountie or being in the presence of the most beautiful woman ever?"_

" _Smart man. Let's go down to the water."_

" _Perfect."_

There was a woman that she didn't know about.

He didn't know if she had someone else.

But she didn't ask as she averted his gaze because it had been too long and she had to get to whatever it was that she was going to.

She was stuck at the point.

He knew he should let her go.

His hand was on hers.

How did he do that so quickly?

It was warm, strong and always fit perfectly, even though he was bigger than hers. Somehow it was always right and could always depend on.

He could always depend on her grace, her charm, her wit. And always her hand. It couldn't have been more perfect as he grabbed it, and luckily she grabbed it willingly. It was her hand when he remembered of everything right between them.

" _Elizabeth, your family doesn't approve of me."_

" _They don't know you."_

" _Stop, ok? I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not."_

" _That's not what I'm asking Jack, so please don't assume you know what is going on with my family or what I may or may not be thinking."_

" _I tried."_

" _Try harder."_

" _Elizabeth, don't push me."_

" _I will."_

" _Don't."_

What was the next part?

Where did their story go from here?

His hand was in hers.

Her hand was in his.

Now what?

"Elizabeth."

And with her name being spoken she was right back to the beginning.

"Jack."

And just like that, he was head over heels for her.

When he saw her across the room, she was dressed fancy and he knew she came from money but for some reason, it didn't bother him.

When she saw him across the room, he looked uncomfortable and out of place, but for some reason it didn't bother her.

A friend of Jack's went over to her first, striking up a conversation.

Her eyes met his.

And that's when he knew, that she was going to make his life different from what he thought.

His eyes met hers.

And she knew, forever, there wouldn't be any more dances with anymore suitors.

Was it time for apologies?

To want to know about her life?

Was it time for her to ask who the woman was?

To want to know what happened to him?

None of that seemed to matter.

Because she was here with him.

Because he was here with her.

The rain came down like sheets of ice.

He was leading them through the field of mud and tall grass.

She was screaming in elation as he pulled on her soaked hand.

They reached the abandoned cabin where he pulled in and kissed her hard.

Breathless and wanting, he pinned her up against the cabin wall, moving his hands to her waist, asking for more.

She never doubted his trust or his ability to make sure she was comfortable even when he was passionate with her, which she readily accepted and offered.

Even in a cloud filled haze of need and desire, he kept her safe.

In those times, she always felt one step away from fire.

His hand let go.

Her hand fell back down from her side.

And she wondered what she did.

What she ever did.

How could he explain himself?

There was no real reason, nothing that would justify him walking away from something so perfect.

" _Days like this make me want to own a horse."_

" _A horse?"_

" _Sure, you don't get to have all the fun Mr. Mountie."_

" _That's work. I don't ever really get to actually enjoy the horse."_

" _Well, if I had a horse I would run all over the ranch and heard cattle."_

" _Well, when I buy us a ranch, I will let you pick out the horse."_

" _Really, you would do that?"_

" _In a second."_

" _When I'm mad at you, remind me of this conversation."_

" _I'll do my best."_

They had said one word to each other.

Elizabeth fixed herself once more and looked at him.

She could look at him all day.

His hair was perfect.

His eyes were bright but slightly grey in the light.

His shoulders looked tight but strong.

And his suit coat was perfectly pressed.

Jack flexed his hand and took a breath.

He could look at her all day.

Her curls were perfect.

Her eyes were bright, blue and gentle.

Her dress was only slightly wrinkled at the bottom.

Everything with her was easy.

It was everyone else that was hard.

Pressure and pain from the outside.

Everything with him was beautiful.

It was everyone around her that was difficult.

Pressure and pain from those who said they cared.

It was almost impossible.

But she thought they could make it.

Weather it, fight it.

" _Don't run from me Jack. This isn't goodbye."_

" _We need space."_

" _This isn't your choice, this isn't mine. This is everyone else telling us."_

" _You are young. You don't understand."_

" _Then tell me! Fight for me, fight for us!"_

" _I can't!"_

" _Because you won't try."_

He didn't want to be the reason she didn't see her family.

She didn't want to be angry at him.

But when he left her for the last time, she did nothing but be angry.

When he left her for the last time, all he thought about was how her family was the reason he wasn't with her.

And it made him angry.


	2. Chapter 2

He courted her in the beginning in private.

He wasn't ashamed.

She wasn't scared.

It was easier that way. They could run off and kiss. They could jump in the water without prying eyes.

No questions. No answers needed.

Her father discovered their romance in the garden.

He was with her, holding her hand, whispering in her ear.

She laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

It wasn't surprising he was upset.

He went to walk away but she grabbed him close.

Told her father he was hers.

She was his.

There was silence and then acknowledgement.

They were standing feet apart with nothing to say.

"You are looking well."

That's the first thing he would say to her after years.

God, he really didn't know what he had done to her.

That's the first thing he would say to her after years.

God, she really didn't know what she had done to him.

"You as well."

Seemed the best response she had.

It wasn't ever this hard.

The dialogue of small talk, of nothingness.

It hurt, it pained.

She was struggling to advance any kind of thought when it came to him.

He couldn't form any more words when he looked at her.

" _Viola is the judgmental one."_

" _And Julie?"_

" _She's flighty but a hopeless romantic."_

" _So I take it she doesn't mind me?"_

" _No, in fact she even told me to sneak out the window one time to see you."_

" _Darn shame you didn't listen."_

" _Hmm, maybe one of these days I will take her advice."_

The sidewalk was getting quiet.

And still they were standing.

What must these people think the store next to them? 

What is her story?

What is his story?

And why are they there, not saying a word? 

His hair was blowing in the wind.

She loved his hair.

Her barrette was glittering.

He loved her hair.

Her eyes moved to the cowlick of his hair.

How even in a moment of nothing, could he be everything?

His eyes moved to her cheek where he saw a small dirt mark.

How even in a moment of nothing, could she be everything?

" _Stay the night."_

" _My parents…"_

" _I know. I wouldn't ask but I need you."_

" _Tell me again."_

" _I need you Elizabeth."_

" _Don't leave me."_

" _Stay the night."_

" _I'm here Jack."_

He took a deep breath that she surely saw.

She saw the breath, the shoulders tense.

She knew the shoulders well.

She swallowed hard.

Her father's dinner was expensive and large.

He couldn't have felt more of an outsider.

She noticed how uneasy he felt and looked.

She couldn't have felt more of an outsider.

Jack Thornton was a proud man.

He felt offended and on the defensive.

Prove what to who?

Elizabeth squeezed his hand under the table in reassurance.

It wasn't working well.

The night was dark with no moonlight.

He kissed her hard against the guest house.

No one would see them, judge them.

All he wanted was her.

She didn't understand his need for being the best.

All she wanted was him.

The sky was getting orange behind him.

It had been awhile of standing there, saying very little.

She was afraid to move, to say anything else because who knew if they would ever be in the same space ever again.

He had to say something else or this whole moment would be for nothing. To prove he really was spineless and a coward for their love.

But he was.

And she knew it.

" _My mother left us on my uncle's farm when my pa died."_

" _And Tom was little?"_

" _He was. I was the man of the house, or at least pretended to be."_

" _That's a lot of responsibility for a young boy."_

" _I wanted to be brave, to show the world I was ready to be an adult."_

" _You don't need to be brave all the time."_

" _I know. But for you, I want to be the man you deserve."_

" _Jack, my heart tells me you are and I always trust my heart."_

The last night together, he lay in bed next to her.

He watched her sleep.

Her hair cascaded down her back.

Her lips were pursed in a smile.

There was no better memory.

The morning of their last time together, she watched him put on his uniform.

So strong, so brave. So red.

So serious.

His eyes looked to her and smiled.

There was no better memory.

"I don't want to delay you."

Well that time had come and gone.

But she wasn't going anywhere after shopping.

"I am fine."

Curt, sharp and to the point.

It really was a still question to ask her.

He had to explain things.

But how and why should she listen?

"I want to…"

And just like before, he trailed off, failing her.

Failing to explain anything.

He was just as before.

Not telling her anything.

Not wanting to hurt her but doing it ten-fold.

His friends were funny and like him.

They spent their nights at the water, trying to show off.

It made her laugh and spill her drink often.

Her friends were nice and sweet.

They went to dinner and spoke pleasantries.

It made him realize what a free spirit she was.

" _A dance my lady?"_

" _Oh this is highly unusual."_

" _My dance card was filled with beautiful eligible woman but I believe someone may have taken it upon themselves to cross them out."_

" _Terrible."_

" _Quite. I think I need to speak to this person and tell her of all the trouble she has caused me."_

" _Don't be too harsh now."_

" _Never. I think this woman is actually quite brilliant."_

" _How so?"_

" _Well, I am the most handsome man in this room."_

" _Someone has an ego."_

" _And someone has fallen completely for it."_

" _Oh and pretentious."_

" _Fallen for me anyway."_

" _I do believe that dance card can be changed dear sir."_

" _Says the lady who changed it."_

" _You got me Jack."_

" _Yes, I do believe I have."_

"I want to talk about the past."

Well that just puts everything out there doesn't it?

And it doesn't change a thing.

She looks at the ground because there's nowhere else to look.

And he looks at the sky because that's far away from where they seemed to be.

"No need. What is done is done."

The words came out so quickly she was shocked she said them.

Or was that in her head?

No, it was out loud as he looked at her.

With sad eyes.

She couldn't hold back the sudden emotion.

He held back the tears as he boarded the train.

To a new future he didn't expect.

One he didn't want.

When he looked back, she wasn't there.

And he knew there was no do-over.

She held the tears back when she sat in the living room listening to Julie's voice lesson.

There was no more love, only loss.

And now her future was what it was always supposed to be.

There was no changing it.

" _When are you going to make it official with Elizabeth?"_

" _Marriage?"_

" _What else! You have the ring burning a hole in your dresser, what's the delay?"_

" _Her father."_

" _Seriously man, you are going to let some old millionaire tell you what to do?"_

" _He said if I didn't leave her, he would disown her."_

" _Well, that's just crazy."_

" _Yes crazy but true. She doesn't deserve to be put out on the street."_

" _Jack, you are hardly the street. Besides let her decide."_

" _I don't have to. I'm letting her go."_

" _Forget it, you are the real crazy. You do this and you will never forgive yourself."_

" _She will understand."_

" _I don't think so but I'm not you."_

He needed to grab her and hold her.

Was she crying?

My god, he was destroying her.

He was that much of a terrible person.

So much pain.

She needed him to grab her and hold her.

She was crying!

She was that much of a wreck, still after all this time.

So much hurt.

When he first said I love you it was graduation night.

In his official uniform, wearing his Mountie pin he took her for a walk down the ocean bank.

His mother and brother had gone to sleep.

He felt it much sooner than when he said it.

It was in quiet step, as he led her out to the sandy beach.

She liked how official he was and how dashing he looked.

But she loved his smile the most.

When he took her down the ocean bank, he held her hand tight, the moonlight illuminating their perfect steps.

It was quiet and comfortable, with a slight breeze.

When he said it she felt the world lift and her heart burst.

The Mountie was officially hers.

"Don't."

And she felt his arms wrap around her.

Goodness.

He wrapped his arms around her.

Purpose.

Why wasn't she meant for him?

Why wasn't he meant for her?

"Elizabeth."

And there was her name again, in whispered agony.

It felt so broken.

And so correct.

"Jack."

And there was his name again, in whispered agony.

It felt so final.

And so correct.

" _You cooked dinner?"_

" _Your favorites, biscuits and vegetable stew."_

" _When did you have time?"_

" _Well you were out on training and I cancelled the lunch with my mother."_

" _I take it she wasn't happy."_

" _It doesn't matter. Now take a seat."_

" _This does look good."_

" _Good, because it took me a few tries to get it right."_

" _Was this your first cooking adventure?"_

" _Maybe."_

" _Ok, I will be prepared."_

" _Jack!"_

" _I'm kidding…kind of."_

The house was dark when he entered.

She was there, in his room, in candlelight.

She reached for him, taking his hands and leading him to the bed.

She didn't say a word as she kissed him.

It was a promise of body and soul.

When he reached for her, she was smiling.

He should have told her to leave, to go back.

He kissed her slowly and then more intensely.

He didn't say a word as he looked into her eyes.

It was a promise of body and soul.

When she breathed in, he was still there.

When he breathed in, she was still there.

Maybe things were never going to be right again.

But in this moment, things were.

"Tell me you love me."

It was quiet and reserved but not shaky.

He looked down to her, to see her staring down.

How could he possibly answer that and not break her heart?

When she asked she knew it wasn't fair.

It was quiet and reserved, but she meant it.

She didn't want to take it back.

He was looking at her, eyes dark and powerful.

She knew whatever he said, would break her heart.

" _Oh Mr. Thornton, we were not expecting you this early."_

" _My apologies Mrs. Thatcher but Elizabeth said she enjoys the docks at early morning light."_

" _Ah, yes. She is always out and about, the poor servants can never find her. Do you ever find that's the case?"_

" _I would never limit Elizabeth to anything."_

" _You think very similar to her. Makes sense she is infatuated with you."_

" _With all due respect, it is more than just infatuation."_

" _For you maybe."_

When she looked at him, he couldn't deny her.

And yet that's exactly what he did.

He forced himself to look away and keep her close, not responding to her wishes.

She was being shut out, ignored.

And yet, he was here, keeping her close, holding her.

Actions spoke louder than words.

Justifying everything made sense.

But didn't make it right.

All he could do was hold her.

All he ever wanted to do was keep her in space forever.

But that didn't excuse his silence.

And refusing to answer.

Actions spoke louder than words.

Justifying everything made sense.

But it didn't make it right.


End file.
